Nothing makes me more nervous than seeing a car gaining speed behind me as I glance at my rear view mirror. The 50 speed limit sign flashes past me and I check my gauge: I'm doing 55 mph. It's a two lane traffic and the car behind me is riding my butt. Yes, I consider my car's butt MY butt.

Any minute now, I think to myself, the car will pass me. There are plenty of opportunities when the other direction of traffic is empty - and the car stays tenaciously riding ...my...butt. I don't understand!! I can almost hear my friend, Cindy, telling me, "You know what I do, Kris? This always work. I tap my breaks. Just gently, ok? Just let that person know they're too close."

But I can't do it. It makes me nervous playing with my breaks. I'm a sad excuse for a driver as it is. Instead I hear her voice again. "Ok, ok," she says. "You know what else works? I put on my windshield wipers and make sure I make a lot of splash. It gets on their windshield. They hate that."

Brilliant. I pop my windshield wipers and let water get all over my windshield. Watch the wipers do their job and fling it backwards. The wind helps too.

I flick my glance back to my rear view mirror and sure enough, the other car is farther back. The only unfortunate part is my windows were open when I turned the wipers on, letting in small gobs of dirty windshield water. But oh well, I'm happy.

I really do hate speeding drivers. (What's wrong with doing a respectable 5 mph more than the speed limit, anyway??)